Not enough
by Arania10
Summary: A different response to Kate's now infamous line in 3x24: "And for the past three years I have been running around with the school's funniest kid, and it's not enough!"
1. Chapter 1

Kate had done all she could do to push him over the edge – to either get him to acknowledge his feelings for her or run away, but instead he defaults to her once again. Since that's his play, she takes aim at everything he's admitted to being to her – and nothing more. "Yeah, well last time I checked it was _my _life, not _your_ personal jungle gym. And for the past three years I have been running around with the school's funniest kid, and it's not enough." If a friend and partner is all he can fess up to being, then Kate believes that's all she can assume he's good for. And as a -friend-, he cannot keep her from running back into the fire with tunnel-vision.

Immediately after she uttered the words, she knew how much they stung without so much as glancing back towards him. She believed that would be the final blow; he would leave, hurt, dejected, and she could refocus her energy towards catching Lockwood. But the one thing Castle is known for – going rogue – was the one thing she had forgotten to count on in this situation. He had surprised her multiple times already that night and yet she didn't see the next blow coming.

"Not enough, Kate? Not enough for what, exactly? What do you want?"

She froze in her tracks. She had been on her way to the door, to pointedly escort him out, but his words kept her from moving another inch, from breathing. She paused for a few seconds, trying to clear the cobwebs, make sense out of the jumbled mess of thoughts in her head, but she knew there was no use. She needed him out of her space – physical and emotional – as soon as possible. She was quickly becoming too vulnerable for comfort in this conversation as she began to lose control. So instead she barged ahead, intent on making him leave. This couldn't go any farther. She turned around and faced him. "I think you need to leave, Rick." He didn't move a muscle. "Now," she growled for additional emphasis.

He didn't even blink.

She was becoming more and more irate every passing second and Rick could see her seething temperament, but he stood his ground. "Well?" he asked. "What is it that you want?" He was shaking inside out of fear, anger, hurt, anticipation? He didn't know. But he was determined to not let this go – not let _her_ go. She was disappearing down the rabbit hole and before she vanished forever, he knew he needed this conversation to happen.

"Rick," she warned. An undercurrent of absolute fury and terror was intoned in that very utterance of his name. While he knew he was in dangerous territory, he didn't budge.

"No, Kate. Please. Enlighten me. What do you want?" he asked for the third time. He only paused a moment before he continued. "I am your friend and partner. You've accepted that much. I am there for you when you need backup, someone to build theory with, and, on brief occasions, I am lucky enough to be an emotional confidant. I love when you let me in on a personal level; small things like understanding your enjoyment of 'Temptation Lane' make me feel as though I have been given a glimpse into your world that nobody ever sees and I cannot tell you how fortunate I feel when you briefly let down your walls." After this he began walking towards her, purposefully, confronting her verbally and physically. She watched as he continued to stride her way. "And yet you are determined to push me away when I get too close – I meant every word I said in L.A. I _always_ mean every word." He was now directly in front of her, staring her down, as she stood between him and her front door. "You have a boyfriend, as far as I am aware, and so what more could you possibly want if, as you say, 'it's not enough'?"

Kate stood there in stunned silence as Richard Castle laid every card he had out on the table, save for one, that he continued to hold close to his vest. She couldn't deal with this. With him. Not now. She was right next to the door. All she had to do was unlock it, open it, and kick his sorry self out before she could do him any bodily harm. She turned around in place to unlatch the door and open it, all the while muttering some incoherent objections to Rick's continued presence, but her efforts were futile. As she began to open the door, he braced one hand on the door itself while the other covered her hand that had reached to unfasten the chain lock. "Stop," he said with a deeper and softer tone than she had ever heard him speak in.

At his combined efforts to keep her from ejecting him from her apartment, she furiously spun around with every intention to end this debacle now. "What are you _doing_?" she blurted out, heart pounding in her chest. "You need to go now, Rick. I don't want to-"

"Kate," he interrupted. It was stated simply with the same tone as before, a tone she found to be alarmingly disarming. Before her next words of protest could even be uttered, he simply said "stop" once again, this time a bit more forcefully. All she could do was stare into his unwavering blue eyes like a deer in the headlights. They stayed like that for a few moments while she quickly tried to gather her wits about her.

"Castle, I need to get some sleep and you need to leave," she said. But he continued to hold her gaze while he replied that "no. I need to stay, and we need to talk about this."

"Talk about _what_, Castle?"

"Us," he replied.

"There is no _us._ You have made that abundantly clear already. And as my partner, and _friend,_" she spat, "I would deeply appreciate it if you would get the hell out of here!"

"I'm not going anywhere, Kate, so you can abandon that notion right now. And since you seem so intent on hearing it from me first, I can do that for you. I care about you, Kate. You are more than just my friend or partner. You mean more to me than I could possibly explain to you and I would be willing to do anything for you. I am here for you. Always. It's not a platitude or a false promise; I mean it – always have, always will. But I cannot seem to understand what it is you want. I am not enough for you, as you say, but what more can I be to you? What more do you want of me?"

Unwilling or unable to face this, to face _him_ honestly, Kate said the only thing she could possibly think of to say that might free her from this chaotic mess.

"Nothing."

From his perspective, she stated it so easily. He knew she had a good poker face, but this was too much. She tore him down with one word, one measly word. Had he pushed too hard? Was this even an honest response? How could he have blown up this relationship with trying to force her to admit things she was not yet ready for? Would she have ever been ready? What could he possibly say to her now?

Her steady eyes did not betray the whirlwind of emotions that swirled just beneath her surface. She didn't need to say another word to him as long as he believed this one word. That's all she needed; she needed him not to see through this single lie and she'd be off the hook. She held steadfast as she saw him hesitate in front of her, wrestling with her statement, desperately looking for a flaw in her exquisite performance – a flaw that never came.

What now? – They wondered simultaneously.

They were finally on the same page (whether or not both could accept that fact), yet what good did that do? Each person takes away his or her own unique interpretation of the words and actions of the characters in stories. The participants in a story analyze and evaluate the same scene individually, leading to wildly different understandings of events. This story is no different.


	2. Chapter 2

Each held the gaze of the other, trying to decipher the expression of the face before them. How long could this continue? Who would break first? These long-standing questions finally had to come to an end once and for all.

As Rick stood there staring into Kate's eyes, dumbfounded by her response, Kate felt as though he was peering through her entire being. At the moment when she had all her remaining walls up, she couldn't help but feel stripped of all her defenses. Her response to his query was resolute, unwavering, and one of the biggest lies she had ever dared to tell. She considered the outcomes - none of them favorable: If he accepted her falsehood as truth, she might get away scot-free from this mess. Yet he'd run away dejected and confused. Her one hope would be that this confrontation wouldn't ruin their partnership (and friendship) that she had grown to rely on. On the other hand, if he didn't buy it… Well, the fierce detective was far too anxious to let her mind wander that dark path. There could only be one ending to this – his immediate departure from her apartment.

He struggled to read and solve the mystery that was Katherine Beckett. Had she really just tried to convince him that he was nothing more than a partner and friend to her? That he _could_ be nothing else? While her demeanor suggested this to be true, he knew her better than that. She was just hiding again. She didn't want to face the truth. But he could not afford to lose her, not now, not when he was so close to breaking down that last crumbling fortification of her denial. Yet here he played with fire. He knew that he was close to either a breakthrough or a breakdown and it was far too easy to cross that paper-thin line.

Instead of immediately calling her out, an action that would undoubtedly cause her to raise her defenses more (or break both of his legs), he decided to go a gentler route. "Nothing," he parroted back to her.

Relieved that he hadn't pushed any more and that he did not seem distraught by the turn of events, Kate relaxed a bit. Her harsh expression melted away a bit and she began to turn back to the door knowing no more needed to be said by either party at this time. But between the time she began turning back and the time that she was about to break eye contact, he spoke again.

"Nothing, Kate?"

Her hopes for him to go silently into that dark night faded as she heard him prod her to respond, to say more, to explain. Yet she knew that the longer this went on, the more difficult this conversation and the mounting lies would become. Why couldn't he just leave?

He watched her intently, willing her to respond, but he knew mum was the word of the hour for her unless he raised the stakes little by little.

He began, "So you're telling me right now that you want nothing more of me, yes? A simple nod of the head will do for now since you seem dedicated to staying silent."

She nodded.

"And piecing together information from earlier bits of this dialogue, I am to understand that it's not enough and I need to leave, right?"

Again she nodded and hoped he'd take the tactless hint and actually go.

"Okay. Here's where it gets fuzzy for me, Kate. I'm just trying to get my facts straight, here. I am your friend, correct?"

She wearily nodded.

"And your partner? You've agreed to that before."

No protests were yet coming from her.

"Here's my problem. You said to me that it's not enough."

She stared unblinkingly at him, silently pleading to every possible deity she had ever read about for a distraction, a phone call, the fire alarm, a crane collapse on her building, _anything_.

"Now this means one of two things to me. One: it means you want more. You want something else from me besides my friendship and partnership. But I do recall that you've already stated you want nothing more from me. Or two: you've completely given up on me and are ready to see me walk out of your world entirely."

Though her face was unreadable, impassive, inside her heart was breaking.

"You know where I stand, but I will respect your wishes. All I need to know is what you meant. Option one or option two? If it's option two, I will regrettably exit that door and never again return to bother you."

She faltered and swallowed nervously. He knew he had played his cards well when he saw that. He held her gaze for a while longer, slowly watching vulnerability and fear creep into her green eyes. After some unknown period of silence, Castle tried one last time to get her to talk; he silently started towards the door.

Kate watched his stance slacken some and was startled to see him begin to move around her to approach the door. Had he really assumed she wanted him gone? Forever? Even though she thought it was impossible that he'd believe such a clearly ridiculous notion, she couldn't take the risk and just let him leave without another word. "Wait," she said ever so softly as he was brushing past her to reach the door handle.

At that one word, that one beautiful word, Rick Castle stopped on a dime and turned to her, locking his eyes with her own. It was her play now; the ball was in her court and she knew just as well as he that something had to give. Now or never.

_Author's note: I'm not too pleased with how this second chapter came out, but I figured I'd give it a shot. Reviews/comments/constructive criticism is always welcome. Thank you for reading!_


	3. Chapter 3

She was lost in his eyes – not for the first time that night. They communicated so much more between their eyes than anything either of them could ever say to one another. She saw in his blue all the intensity of his loyalty and knew he was just waiting for her to speak up again.

"Rick, I . . ." she struggled to find any suitable words. He searched her green eyes to find the meaning that wasn't made clear in her speech, yet all he could see was muddled emotion. Nothing was clear to him and he began to realize nothing was clear to her either.

"Yes, Kate?" he probed.

She quickly deliberated what to say next. "Not option two," was all she came up with.

Before he got his hopes up just to have them dashed away by her again, he asked for some clarification – clarification he knew was going to be difficult to receive. "So you are saying option one then?"

"I didn't say that," she responded solidly and a little too quickly. "I didn't say…" she trailed off.

"Kate, you've got to give me _something_ here to work with. I can't fix this if I don't know what you want."

"Look, Castle." He momentarily looked crestfallen to hear his professional name be used again by her. "I don't know." She paused once more, gathering her thoughts and putting them back into some order that she could use to control the situation. "I know that I don't want you to leave my life entirely."

"…but that's not enough?" he tried again to get her to open up just a bit more.

"It's. . . " she stumbled once again over her words. "It's just. It's -complicated- right now."

"What's complicated?"

"Everything." Her defenses were up again though at least she continued to speak this time. "Everything is complicated. The case. This. I just can't get into this with you right now."

"Into what?" He desperately wanted her to verbally admit the elephant in the room. He had already done so; why couldn't she?

"This conversation," she dodged.

"Like it or not, Kate, we're already into it."

"Castle. Please. Just _go home_. I can't worry about this right now, not on top of everything else."

He allowed her to keep dancing around the subject, though he didn't intend on letting it go. Not just yet. "Do you intend to shut me out forever?"

"I just really need you to leave. There's far too much else going on. Just let it go for now?"

"As long as we get back to it another time," he agreed, knowing she was already bent out over the case and probably really shouldn't be pushed too much farther. "Just answer me one thing."

Against her better judgment, she gave him a slight nod to continue.

"Am I crazy?"

"Is that really your one question that you need answered before you leave? Because yes of course, you are. You build theory with me that incorporates CIA cover ups and extraterrestrials." Her demeanor finally relaxed a bit as she teased him.

He half smiled, both of them thankful for a bit of light-hearted relief. "I may have deserved that, but you didn't let me finish." She watched him closely. "Am I crazy?" he repeated. "That kiss: For me I am not ashamed to admit that it was one of the best kisses I've ever experienced, but that's not the point. I could have sworn I heard a small noise escape you during that heated exchange. And I thought I saw you walk away from the unconscious guard rather unsteadily as though your legs struggled to keep you upright. Both of those observations have led me to - perhaps falsely - believe for months now that maybe, just maybe, you felt what it is that I felt in that kiss."

She didn't respond; her face was completely devoid of any hint of what was going through her mind. He then decided to slowly encroach on her space until they could each hear and feel the breathing of the other. "So am I crazy, Kate?" he bent down ever so slightly to gently grace his lips against her own. Her breath hitched, and she responded almost immediately to him. It was nowhere near as fervent as their first kiss, but that first one paled in comparison to this for obvious reasons. There was no pretense here of an undercover operation. She hummed softly against his mouth as they became lost in a moment of tenderness that neither had ever truly experienced with anyone else.

He was the one to pull away and break the kiss. After doing so, he studied her for just a moment. There was something in her eyes that he had never seen before. He couldn't quite put into words yet what that was, but she had already inadvertently given him the answer he had been looking for. He nodded slightly, smiled, and turned to the door.

"Until tomorrow, Kate."

_Author's note: Thank you to those of you who have reviewed this story. It's greatly appreciated. I'm not certain, but I think I may end this here. I'm really just not feeling very good about what it is that I've been writing on this story. Doesn't come naturally and I feel like the characters are off. But thanks for sticking with it and reading! :)_


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